Life Among the Loons

 Lisa’s Chaos is hosting Fun Monday this week. The challenge:

I’d like to know more about you, what makes you tick. I’d like to know how you started blogging. Did you keep a diary under lock and key safely hidden as a child? Do you still? Do you share the same things on your blog that you would have, or do, in your diary? Why did you start blogging and why do you continue? May as well throw in any roadblocks you have run into while blogging. If you still have your old diaries we’d love to see them.

My first diary was red, had Snoopy on the front, and was ALWAYS locked (little brother had prying eyes).  I wrote every minute detail of my 6th grade life in that journal.  What sticks out the most were the entries in which I professed my undying love for Jordan Knight of  New Kids on the Block (yikes!) and I lamented the fact that I had not started my period and therefore could not participate in the lunch conversations my friends were having.  Those were the days!

I continued to journal throughout high school (thanks in part to my English teacher Toby) and for my first 2 years at Northeast Louisiana University.  As one might expect, those old entries are a convoluted road map of my up-and-down journey through the insane life of a teenager.  One day I hated my parents, my school, my friends, hell my life in general, and the next I was flying high and loving everyone and everything.  Reading those old journals is a riot

Then came Sarah.  After my daughter was born, I simply stopped devoting time to writing.  With work, school, and raising a kid, I was too worn out by the end of day to spend 30 mintues in thoughtful reflction.  From time to time, I would grab a notbook and scribble out a 3-page entry, usually in anger or disgust at the turn my life had taken and almost always about men (sorry Joe!). 

When I started teaching high school English I incorporated journal time into my daily class routine.  I constantly preached to my students, “The only way to be a good writer is to practice.  You have to write every day  if you want to be ready for college level writing classes!”  Then one day it hit me, I’m not practicing what I preach.  I harp on the kids and ride them all the time about daily writing and yet I can’t remember the last time I took the time to journal.

About this same time, my best bud MerrieB mentioned that she had started blogging.  I checked out her site and was impressed with what she had put together.  I kept up with her site, along with a few other friends’ in our circle, but was too nervous to try a blog of my own.  You see, I hang out with a bunch of computer nerds who know the ins and outs of computers better than I ever could.  I assumed if they were all blogging, it must be something incredibly high-tech and therefore out of my league.  Fortunately MerrieB steered me in the right direction and helped me get my blog up and running

I’m not sure how I feel about how this blogging thing turned out in the end.  I’m glad that I am writing more but I’m generally not pleased with what I write.  I feel as though I should be cranking out posts that are a better reflection of how an English teacher should write.  In fact, I don’t share this site with my friends at school or my colleagues; I don’t want them to read any of this because I’m afraid it isn’t up to standard.  I’m always worried my posts are either too sketchy and lacking in details (bad) or sound too much like a formal essay (even worse).  Sometimes I become frustrated at the amount of time I spend on one entry; I have to write, revise, proofread, revise again, and then publish.  I also feel as though I hold back many aspects and events of my daily life.  I try to keep things light and carefree, no serious stuff here.  I don’t want to come across as over-emotional or over-personal.  There are days when I long to unburden myself in a page-long post yet I hold back and generally choose to write nothing at all.

With the start of a new school year and soon a new phase of my “adult life”, I’ve decided I’m going to go back to the old days and become a more honest journal writer.  I don’t know if I’ll transfer everything into the blog, but I’m going to push myself to be more open and expressive and not so caught up in the craft of what I write.

OMG, all I want to do is sleep.  Today was an actual work day; the students who are new to our school this year had orientation and the teachers had to perform host activities from 9:00 – 4:00.  The 4 English teachers had a 45-minute presentation dealing with “RELEVANCE” which included a game, a survey, a small informational lecture, and a group activity.  The presentation itself wasn’t all that bad but we had to repeat the lesson 8 freakin’ times!!!  By the time 3:45 rolled around I was completely wiped out.  After 2 months of lounging around the house playing Warcraft all day I’m just not physically and mentally accoustomed to being active and talking to real people for 7 hours a day.  I’m just waiting for the sun to go down so I can go to bed for the night

A friend linked the following site on her MySpace page.  I checked it out and was very moved by the images and words in the mini-movie.

http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com/

Oh what a difference a day makes!!  Yesterday I struggling to maintain a sense of calm after my first day on my new campus.  I was a bit (okay much more than a bit) worried about the relatively small size of my classroom and my ability to squeeze 15 desks, chairs, and students into my room without us all feeling and perhaps even looking like a huge can of sardines.  I was, at the same time, bemoaning the fact that I will be teaching American literature for the seventh year of my career.  I tossed and turned most of the night, unable to turn off my brain and dreading another day at school and the potential addition of bad news.

With much hesitation I walked into the school this morning only to be greeted with a piece of wonderful news.  The school director stopped me as I walked to my classroom; she wanted to tell me to expect 8 or 9 students per class.  She warned I might have as many as 12 studnets in my reading class and she suggested that I set up my room with 11 student desks.  I was so relieved that I almost broke into my happy dance right there in the hall

Today was my first real day on the campus of my new school.  My plan was to get my classroom in order – arrange desks, unpack boxes, put up posters, etc.  When I left my house I was in a great mood, looking forward to the new school year 100%.  Four hours later I left campus in a much different mood.

I worked for an hour trying to figure out to make 15 student desks, a teacher’s desk, a book case, and a file cabinet fit into a space that is smaller than my bedroom.  As a spatially-challenged person, I have trouble visualizing how items would best fit into a given space.  I have accepted this weakness in myself and often ask those around me for help putting furniture in my home.  Today I turned to a couple of colleagues for advice and they assured me that I could lose 3 of the student desks; last year the classes were 12 students or under.  With this new knowledge, I dragged several desks (including the teacher’s desk) into the hallway and went back to work.  After 45 wasted minutes I decided to talk to the counselor in the hopes of getting a more precise count of students I could expect in each period.  If only I had stayed in my classroom….

In the course of my conversation with the counselor I was informed that I would be teaching all English III (American literature) classes.  Did I mention the reason I left my old school was because I was forced to teach English III for 6 straight years?

I fumed silently for a few minutes and then took a deep breath.  Obviously teaching American literature is my destiny.  I tried to escape it and it followed my like a lost puppy.  I came to the realization that I need to change my attitude and simply embrace all that is great about American authors and their works.  

I’m not happy about today’s turn of events.  I still have no idea how I am going to fit all those kids in my room.  (Honestly I’m not sure if it is physically possible.)  I can’t get myself excited about teaching English III for another year.  BUT….I’m going to make the best of things.  I’m going to search for new stories to read, new poems to study, and new projects to work on.  I’m hoping to focus a bit more on modern works and get away from the stodgy, “dead-white-guy” classics.  If I think positive then things will work out for the best, right?

God I hope tomorrow goes better than today